Yeah, I Said It by Wanda Sykes

Author:Wanda Sykes
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2004-09-27T04:00:00+00:00

Wassup, man?

It’s good to see you here. Heard y’all broke five hundred this season. Congratulations!

Yeah, you comin’ to my party?

You’re supposed to be professional players; have some shame when you lose. Coaches should make it a rule. If I see any of you participating in this year’s Super Bowl activities, you will be cut from the team.

Native American Mascots

A number of colleges and professional sports teams still have Native American mascots. This makes no sense to me. It’s painful to watch, especially since I grew up a Washington Redskins fan. I don’t want to see the headline “Cowboys Defeat Redskins.” That just sounds wrong.

I would see Native Americans dressed in their traditional garb in front of RFK Stadium protesting the mascot. The problem is that a lot of people dressed up as Redskins, so the protestors just blended in as fans. People would ask them if they had tickets to sell. It was sad.

There are some individuals who are such diehard fans of their teams that they insist on keeping these names and images in order to preserve tradition. They are so attached to their mascots that they lack concern about who they are offending and how this has shaped America’s perception of a people. I would be all for changing the Redskins’ name. It is offensive. I think the worst one is the Cleveland Indians’ Big Chief Wahoo. It’s just a red face on a baseball, with a big toothy grin. It’s the Sambo of all the other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.

Mascots are supposed to give good luck. If a dancing Seminole is considered good luck, why not require the team to stay at a reservation the night before a game. That’ll make the wind blow in your favor. Native Americans have been some of the most unluckiest motherfuckers throughout American history. These people woke up one day and their whole country was stolen from them. What kinda luck is that? Pocahontas didn’t bring John Smith good luck. Hanging around her almost got his ass killed.

You are jinxing your favorite team if you continue to support these ethnic mascots. If you really think it makes that much of a difference, consider using people who are assured good fortune. Why don’t you use people who just won the lottery as mascots? They’re lucky. I’ll cheer for the “Washington O.J.s.” With “the Juice’s” luck, we’ll be in the Super Bowl. Better yet, use Ryan Seacrest as a mascot. Week after week, the fans would be annoyed as fuck, but luck would be on your side.

I think the Native Americans need to try a different approach to protesting. Listen, you are being ignored. I think a couple of arrows on fire whizzing through a luxury box would raise an eyebrow, maybe open up a few ears. I’m just putting it out there.

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